I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
I asked God for a bike. Children, but I know God does not work that way. So I stole a bike and asked God for forgiveness.
2, I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather .. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
I hope, like my grandfather, died peacefully in his sleep ... ... not to like in his car screaming and yelling like the passengers to die ah!
3, Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
you can never beat a pure sucker, because he will pull your IQ his level, then beat you with experience
4, The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.
literal translation: In this world, my do not want to do is hurt you, but this thing still on the list.
Photograph a: I really do not want to hurt you, but you also do not force me.
Photograph b: I is not putting a fruit.
5, If sex is a pain in the ass, then you're doing it wrong ...
a. If having sex is ass can not afford to feel the pain, that you speak the wrong hole. XXOO ..
b. If the pain is the lower body, then, is the mouse gets the cheese.
6, The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
a. early have a good hand! Sex is like playing cheese!
b. The early bird gets the worm, early insects eaten by birds.
7, We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.
else in our Karma da d better come quick.
8, Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
XXOO like playing bridge. If the opponent does not help, so that his hand must be.
9, Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you can't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.
Some people are like Slinkies (spring toys) , nothing really useful, but look at them and shift to the stairs to go or great delight Daoteng.
10, Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.
Politicians and diapers have one thing in common: they are regularly being , and for the same reason - dirty! !
11, War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
War does not determine who is right, but only who is left.
12, Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship.
a. orgasms may be put on. However, TMD men can fake a whole relationship out!
b. a woman pretending to orgasm to get the true feelings; man pretended to get real emotional climax.
13, We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
We never really grow up, we just learn to act in public force.
14, Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.
Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If he does not hard, make him a sandwich!
15, Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
Light travels faster than sound .... this is why some SB only until you hear them speak that he was pretending to B. ..
16, My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.
front of my mom every time When I called mud horse never saw the humor.
17, I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
18, If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payments.
you think nobody cares about your fate, you may wish to try playing with your creditors to hide Cats ~ ~
19, Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. .
20, Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
Evening news is Why are you better off.
21, How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
literal translation: a match can start a forest, but also a box of matches Students can not afford a fire, this Editor's Note!
Photo Gallery: Looking back at the Colombian people can Daitao pregnancy, look at the present t even see the Men
22, If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea ... does that mean that one enjoys it ?
If 4 / 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea, then the remaining 1 / 5, Editor's Note? Enjoy it?
23, Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
literal translation: Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not to put it into a fruit salad.
Photograph a: Knowledge is telling you that it should put all their eggs into the basket, Wisdom is not putting all your eggs in one basket.
Photograph b: the so-called knowledge is that Han and small four belong to the 80, but wisdom tells you that men and women are still not the end ~
24, If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.
God Never, whatever the outcome, and delight everyone points it!
25, Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
whether, in any case, never, not one night, while eating, ***, and laxative.
26, I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian
fight my way into the food chain, than to be a vegetarian.
27, A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station ..
bus station bus stops. Train Station where a train stops. My desk, I have a workstation ...
28, If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.
If I listen to you, of us to have a 2B.
29, Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?
dolphins are so smart you you know? As long as few weeks of captivity, they can let people to stand on edge of the pool and throw them fish.
30, A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
a. didn; play taekwondo, the computer can not!
b. chess computer to play my round and round, boxing, kick box I can get this right!
31, I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with . Anjiu had asked a :to sit down and shut-up.
Children: You spend the first 2 years, teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend 16 years telling them to sit down and shut up.
33, Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
why, when you say there are 400 billion stars in heaven, he no doubt, but chosen to check when you say
34, Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.
a. would rather shut up fool, do not crow chaos quack science.
b. explain the more the more SB, do not speak the NB.
c. life decisions based on interpretation of
d.'d rather not be closed when the SB, no mouth explain all doubt.
35, A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don't need it.
bank is that when you prove that you do not need money when you can lend money to Your local
36, Laugh at your problems, everybody else does.
a. question for you, everybody else is doing it.
b. What do you not happy? Say, everybody else.
37, The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!
a. I know no one in my head to chat with me, but they have really helpful TM!
Gallery: My conscience is fantasy, but enough to make me delusional
38, A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
a. conscience Huh? Memory is not right?
Photograph b: Since that wake up in the Simon side, every time I remind myself to the club,
39, Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.
a. so-called good girl, cough! Is not caught by the masses think JP women
b. Li Paifang have to be installed
40, He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.
who smiles in a crisis that, given they are sexy ~
41, Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy .
If a woman can do with a bald head and beer belly in the street still think they are just super sexy Akira - now estimated to be equal to men.
42, The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
leg bones - in a dark room, good for finding furniture and equipment.
43, The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
Santa is all he knows where to live Son YD girl!
44, To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
plagiarism one person is plagiarism, stealing from many is research.
Photo Gallery: punish those who steal hook, grand larceny person is plagiarism.
45, Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
Some people they go out; some people happy whenever they go. .
46, I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.
I found that I was dripping feet A small piece of seaweed touches children, I drop the screams - and I was great white shark is the same as when the screams of drops.
47, Crowded elevators smell different to midgets.
Literal Translation: If you are crowded elevator dwarf can certainly smell different taste.
Photo Gallery: Inspiration from the perspective of the different stations.
48, I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
I can not blame you! I condemn you!
49, Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says , one is the !
50, God must love stupid people. He made SO many.
God must love Bel SB, or he made so many! ! ! ! ! ! !
51, Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
Behind every successful man there is a woman. Each turned the boat is often the man behind the success of another woman.
52, I always take life with a grain of salt, ... plus a slice of lemon, ... and a shot of tequila.
life is a piece of cake for me, I usually with salt and lemon, a small cup of liquor again.
Photograph a: life is a mass of hemp rope ,...... ...... ...... shot of a candle together.
Photograph b: life, not that crazy first bite, then drank strong liquor?
53, The sole purpose of a child's middle name, is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.
literal translation: kids middle name, is simply to let him know that he really Shashi Hou trouble.
literal a: from a full name for the child to hit before you can unashamedly say it.
Photograph b: the name comes in different forms to allow his mother to call him home for dinner!
54, It's not the fall that kills you; it's the sudden stop at the end.
when jumping off a building, dead.
55, Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
Artificial intelligence is no match for natural sucker.
56, Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat.
literal translation: Do not hit a man with glasses, a baseball hit with a rod.
Photo Gallery: him with a baseball, bat.
57, There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.
literal translation: in order to retain who, in time to wrestle with a thin line to distinguish whether you to master.
other translations: be kept in a woman wrestle, cuddle it works. / Hold and burst there is a difference. / Down and hugging is a subtle difference between the yo! / Hug and judo in the repression there is a difference!
58, A bargain is something you don't need at a price you can't resist.
the so-called bargain, that is, although you do not need this stuff, but the price is too good to buy down!
59, Never get into fights with ugly people, they have nothing to lose.
never fights with ugly people, they have nothing to lose.
60, My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
My opinions may have changed, but the fact that I am right, But always the same.
Photo Gallery: We engage communism, but also engage in socialism with Chinese characteristics.
61, My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.
psychologist: You crazy! ! ! I: Can you say something else?
psychologist: good! ! TM, you're ugly! ! !
62, A little boy asked his father, little boy asked his father: 63, Some people say surprise.
Some people say, I say Because telling them to expect you to join, have to point surprise ~!
64, When in doubt, mumble.
them, so if you muttering.
do not understand the words of surprise.
65, I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
I have decided to live forever, so far, so good.
66, Hospitality: making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wish they were
Hospitality: making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you really want them to roll back to their home.
67, If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you!
skydiving is such a movement: or-break!
68, A TV can insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer.
TV can insult your intelligence, the computer is the ultimate spit your groove there!
69, Knowledge is power, and power corrupts. So study hard and be evil.
Knowledge is power, power corrupts. So study hard and be evil!
70, Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
can not buy happiness, but it will be better endure the pain that day.
71, Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.
borrow money from a pessimist! He will not expect you! ! !
72, Worrying works! 90% of the things I worry about never happen.
Worrying works! ! 90% of things I worry about never happen! !
73, Virginity is like a soapbubble, one prick and it is gone.
virginity like bubble, one prick without a trace.
74, Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
this year, even nostalgia is not what it used to.
75, With sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine.
sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine.
letter Chun, but have eternal life
76, I should've known it wasn't going to work out between my ex-wife and me. After all, I'm a Libra and she's a bitch.
've known it was hopeless I am with my EX! After all, I'm Libra she is JP!
77, Hallmark Card: Department. (No woman deserted, with the woman utter confusion)
78, You're never too old to learn something stupid.
Living longer and 2 / live to old age, 2 to the old
< br> 79, A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
literal translation: diplomat said, when you go to hell, if you are wording will look forward to such a trip.
80, I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, He said, He: I have to use your face to wipe the ground! ! ! Me: you'll be sorry! ! He: Oh? Da truth? How to tell? Me: uh, into the corners where you can not rub! ! !
81, Some people hear voices .. Some see invisible people .. Others have no imagination whatsoever.
some bragging Ah be able to get, some people have boasted that Ah Yin Yang eyes, others just no imagination whatsoever
82, I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and look at it for hours.
ah ah I do love the work of good work for me ~ ah ~ I'm fascinated TMD look at it for a few hours, ah!
83, We have enough gun control. What we need is idiot control.
gun control is not a problem, SB management is the problem
84, Women may not hit harder, but they hit lower.
woman may not hit harder, but they hit even lower .....
woman hit the man always the crucial point.
85, Just remember ... if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.
literal translation: Just remember ... ... the world did not disgusting, we have long been spit out.
Stop complaining, if the world harmony, we should not be such a person exists ~
Gallery: TMD you remember me: not a harmonious society, you have to hit lower back it!
86, Jesus loves you, but everyone else thinks you're an asshole.
sorghum God loves you, but we all think you just 2B
87, I used to be indecisive . Now I'm not sure.
a. in the past I quandary. Gun control.
b. I used to be indecisive, now I doubt it.
c. I used to be indecisive, now I am not sure whether it was true.
88, I don't trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn't die.
I do not believe killing is not linked to 5 days bleeding species. / I do not believe in killing children twat.
89, If you keep your feet firmly on the ground, you'll have trouble putting on your pants.
Literal Translation: If you keep your feet on the ground, you'll have the pants.
Photo Gallery: too honest man can not live.
90, To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
where someone is playing where, where the mean where I was playing.
91, You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship together and there was only one life jacket ... I'd miss you heaps and think of you often.
Well , since the ship would sink, only one life jacket, I look at the hypocrisy of reluctance, for me you are such a good friend ... I will always miss you drop ~!!!< br>
92, Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
standing in the garage you will not be a car, right? Therefore, on the church does not make you a Christian.
93, Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
world is always changing, but I also would not come out how.
Photo Gallery: Where life is not a cup, only the face of drinking fountains.
94, If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child.
assume that we will live and learn wisdom, why do some people have a will Health?
95, A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.
always be chasing the bus faster than the time when you are in there twice as fast.
Once you have chased the bus, its speed will become the feel on the inside than you faster.
96, Whoever coined the phrase
97, You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
across the river and do not Chaiqiao, chances are you have to come back yet.
98, The difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer is in the taste.
oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer is different? Try to see that the
99, When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.
To violence with violence, it is better to hold rule explosion.
100, Remember, if you smoke after sex you're doing it too fast.
literal translation: Remember, if you smoke after having sex to prove you are too fast.
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